*PRE-SEASON SEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD!* (If you have viewed all of Season Six, you’re safe.) *NSFW!*
Up to this point, I have kept the subjects of my posts in somewhat chronological order. However, Game of Thrones returns on Sunday and this simply cannot be ignored. Winter is here!
In honor of my current returning favorite Television obsession, I bring to you…
THE “WORST” TOP FIVE LIST IN GAME OF THRONES HISTORY! (Cheers, applause, a smattering of multi-colored confetti, some squeals from those annoying party favors, and a revelry’s song played by some well-disguised yet, famous musicians in an uncredited cameo appearance…)
For the record, I don’t like the idea of “Top” lists of any kind. They are merely personal opinion, filled with obvious choices, and ubiquitous. Furthermore, if you were to ask me what my top five “whatever” were, today I would give you a list and tomorrow that list might not even be remotely similar. The idea that whatever list I give is, “The Greatest” of anything, is simply pure hubris. Which, isn’t really my thing either.
If I was to create a top seven list right now, I would make it about my personal favorite moments. Times where the show really shined for one reason or another. That list would (probably) look like this;
- The Red Wedding
- Hodor’s, “Origin Story”
- Khal Drogo’s death, followed by “The Birth of Khaleesi”
- King Joffrey’s poisoning
- The Great Sept of King’s Landing being destroyed by Wildfire, killing all who were inside, followed by Tommen’s suicidal window plank
- Tyrion killing Shae, his lover and then Tywin, his Father
- Jaime and Cersei’s first “on-camera” incestual romp, followed by Jaime Lannister pushing Bran Stark off the tower opening’s edge
See what I mean?
“The Red Wedding”, is on EVERYBODY’S GoT list. If it isn’t, your list is absolutely stricken from all records and whatever remains of it is subsequently pushed out through The Moon Door by the breastfeeding teenager, Robin of The Vale himself. Hodor’s, “Origin Story” legitimately made me bite my lip and turn my head from the screen, as I’m sure it did to many others. Of course, Joffrey getting his just desserts. He had it coming.
No alarms and no surprises as Thom Yorke would say.
To make things interesting and in an attempt to leave a different kind of mark on GoT “Top Lists”, I’m going to make it a Top Seven list and I’m going to force myself to over-extend into the less explored GoT territory. Meaning, I will not be featuring any of the previously mentioned events.
Moving along let me think of what the object of this ramble is on about, the “real top seven list”.
Death, yes glorious death in 1080p high-definition for your viewing pleasure, is an occurrence that has happened once or twice in the world of GoT. We have the deaths of non-principle characters, revenge killings, political maneuverings, hunting accidents, poisonings, the backlash from failed assassination attempts, WTF deaths, the categories are as numerous as the deaths themselves, let us get on with it.
I think it would be safe to say that deaths of characters that “deserved” a horrific death are among my favorites. Joffrey Baratheon, Ramsay Snow, Walder Frey, and others. The one that I will put on the list as a personal favorite of mine, and was definitely a deserved death, was from way back in Season 1, Viserys Targaryen.
This bad dye-job platinum blonde was a whiney, demanding, worthless sack of flesh, to his own Sister, the Mother of Dragons, Unburnt, Breaker of Chains, etcetera etcetera. The only thing that would have made me smirk wider and maniacally laugh harder at his death by a molten gold “crown”, is if Khal Drogo would have had his way with him afterward. Game of Thrones makes me think about sadistic stuff.
“A crown for a king.” – Khal Drogo
Brienne of Tarth, without a doubt, is one of my favorite characters. I absolutely love her, the only way I could love her more is if she was a part of Khaleesi’s camp. Alas, she is sworn to the Starks. Her fight with, Sandor “The Hound” Clegane was absolutely glorious. I was on the edge of the couch waiting to see who the victor would be. Her winning that fight made me so incredibly happy. I didn’t want to see her die. I will cry and probably sink into a day’s long depression if and when she does.
Khaleesi always seems to have to work far too hard to convince others not to cross her. Back in Season 3, she had my favorite, “The f**k did you just say?”, moment. As she was just starting to collect titles, she came across the “Good Masters” and the army of unsullied. Kraznys mo Nakloz makes a trade deal with Khaleesi, one dragon for “The Unsullied”, but not before spewing insults about her in his native tongue in her presence for the duration of the negotiations.
I called this one. I told my Sister that I couldn’t wait for her to reveal that she knew their language the whole time and unleashed her anger-driven wrath upon them. She did not disappoint. I maniacally cackled as Kraznys was torched by Drogon’s fire breath, still clutching to the dragon’s chain leash. I warned you, GoT makes me a sadistic warmonger.
Stannis Baratheon was a very interesting character. I could see his line to the throne but, I never believed in him. That didn’t stop him from saying and doing some absolutely confounding things in the name of The Lord of Light and Melisandre, including burning his own Daughter, Shireen, alive.
In saying that I love Brienne of Tarth, for the same reasons yet, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I have fallen in love with Ellaria, Obara, Nymeria, and Tyene Sand. These four women easily take over my attention anytime they are onscreen.
Ellaria kills Myrcella Baratheon, with the “Kiss of Death” (poisoned lips). Obara and Nymeria want to fight for who gets to kill their own Cousin, Trystane. I chuckled at the comedic aspects of that scene. They’re beautiful, smart, skilled, wicked, devious, and cunning enough that I cannot wait to watch them and the rest of their stories unfold.
Podrick is always so hilariously out of place wherever he is. I can relate. Even more hilariously so, is that the only place where he has seemingly had any modicum of success is when he visited the brothel in King’s Landing. I have no earthly idea what actually happened in that room, but it was good enough to where the whores returned his money. *shrug*
Earlier, I made reference to WTF deaths in GoT. There have definitely been a few that I would place in this category. Robert Baratheon, Ned Stark, Jon Snow, Shireen Baratheon, the location of Tywin Lannister’s death alone, again the list is far too long.
The most unexpected WTF death has to be Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish shoving Lysa Arryn through the Moon Door.
As best as I can quickly explain to non-GoT fans, the Moon Door is a hatch located on the floor of The Castle Eyrie’s High Hall. When opened, it leads directly out into the open sky followed by a long drop to the valley far below.
When he said, “I have only loved one.”, I knew the next line was going to be, “Your Sister.”. However, I had no idea he was going to push her over the edge to plummet to the ground. I went from correctly guessing the line, proudly chuckling, and then audibly gasping as her arms flailed around her.
I didn’t like that woman as much as the next person but, that was a bit much.
I still don’t know what side Lord Baelish is on. He is as of to date, the epitome of “I’m on MY SIDE!”. This man has no compass. Even if he did I can only assume that it would always point to The Iron Throne. Of all the things he had proven to be over the course of the show, I never took him as being ruthless, until he killed Lysa.
In closing, my first ever top list committed to the memories of the internet, a recap;
- Viserys Targaryen’s “Crowning Ceremony”
- Brienne of Tarth, defeating “The Hound”
- Khaleesi’s acquisition of “The Unsullied”
- Burning Shireen Baratheon alive
- Ellaria, Obara, Nymeria, and Tyene Sand killing Myrcella Baratheon and Trystane Martell
- Podrick’s brothel visit
- Littlefinger’s confession of love, followed by shoving Lysa Arryn to her death
As much as I dislike the concept of top lists, I honestly enjoyed piecing my first one together. I hope you enjoyed reading it half as much as I did creating it. Games of Thrones Season 7 starts Sunday, July 16th. I hope you’re watching as well.